Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
