I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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