my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
