if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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