my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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