We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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