i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
