Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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