Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
