Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
