Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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