I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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