you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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