I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
