his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
