She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
