I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
