shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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