If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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