You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
