I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
