i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
