You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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