u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
