I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
