Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
