Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
