I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
