I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
