super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
