wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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