I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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