I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
