just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I sprained my soul last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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