best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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