Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
