Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
