Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
