if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
