I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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