I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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