he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
