I cannot find my penis.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
