woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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