i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I just put wine in my tea
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
