just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
