We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
