How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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