I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
