You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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